The Expatriate Episode 6: Misery

Wapi paced nervously, checking his watch every now and then. He was agitated and muttering curses under his breath. Glenroy, his friend and workmate was running late. Again. As usual. Although he was used to Glenroy's tardiness, it still annoyed him, especially when it was to do with business. "Business," Wapi thought. "I've got to do some serious business this month." It had been an expensive Christmas for Wapi, having to contribute to festivities in two households. Tola and Olivette with whom he lived, had prepared a high consumption Christmas and Wapi had contributed one third of the budget. His cousin Tola would not have insisted but neither of them dared to cross Olivette without good reason.

There had also been expenses arising at his girlfriend Marva's place. With her he'd had to contribute towards Christmas and Boxing Day meals at her mother's house. The whole extended family appeared to have shown up and they stayed from Christmas Eve. On New Year's Eve Marva played host in her small flat and they all turned up for that too. As Marva was only working part time Wapi had borne most of the cost of feeding and watering them.

When Wapi had first got his insurance job, soon after arriving in England, his main cost had been contributing to Olivette's housekeeping budget, paying his way for food and shelter. After that, he'd needed a little spending money, and had been able to save the rest. He'd begun to believe that it wasn't that difficult to make financial headway over here. With the passage of time, and settling into a more ordered life, he'd begun to discover Englands hidden costs. It seemed like everytime he made some money, an urgent bill or expense came along to swallow it up. For a start his savings had been wiped out by an unfortunate episode with his ex girlfriend, and by the purchase of a car. He now had to maintain that car in addition to his other expenses, and help Marva pay her rent. The costs were never ending. He needed to make money and it was getting harder and harder to sell decent policies in a recession.

Wapi looked at his watch again and decided that Glenroy could catch up with him at the clients house since he had all the address details. He was not going to jeopardise the chance of selling a high value policy by being late. Not even for Glenroy's sake.

Wapi accepted the chair that Ms Terious offered him and refused the drink. Looking around the living room he got the impression she could well afford a high value long term investment plan. The sort that yields benefit not only for the client but for the consultant selling the policy as well. The flat was in a respectable part of north London and whether she owned it or was renting she probably had significant disposable income.

The longer he stayed in the financial services business the more accurately Wapi found he could assess peoples financial strengths. He noticed that instead of the power dressing he had expected from this thirtysomething professional client, she was wearing a flattering housecoat.

As he was about to launch into his well rehearsed sales routine, she said, "So Mr Phillips isn't with you? Pity." "No. He was delayed at an earlier meeting," Wapi replied. "Now Ms Terious," he continued, "I'd like to begin with a few basic questions." "Just a moment. Let me move closer to you Mr Johnson. I do find going through my personal and financial details sooo...intimate. Don't you?" She slid along the sofa, closer to Wapi. By now the top part of her housecoat was open and she looked anything but business-like. Not the kind of business Wapi needed anyway. "If I'm going to reveal myself to you...my personal details and all, if you're going to secure my future, I think we ought to get to know each other better. Don't you?" She was positively crawling all over him now. Wapi was terrified. What he needed from a career woman like her was a sizeable commission rather than a lesson in the love arts. He laughed nervously and tried to back away. "Ms Terious..." "Call me Colleen." "Ms Teri...Colleeen I...I...I." He managed to wriggle free. "Mr Johnson, I refuse to do business with you unless I am satisfied...that you have my best interests at heart. Show me!" With this she removed the housecoat with a flourish to reveal the type of underwear Wapi had only seen in magazines. He wasn't persuaded to satisfy his client in the way she was demanding but she was positioned so that he could not exit the flat without her consent. He thought of a movie he'd seen recently where an obsessed female fan had held her favourite author captive and done unspeakable things to him. How was he going to escape this. Glenroy and his lateness.

Colleen was tugging at his necktie and attempting mouth to mouth resuscitation while Wapi struggled vainly to fight her off. She was gaining the upper hand when the doorbell rang. They both froze. Colleen decided to answer the door. She put on her housecoat as the bell went again, straightened the garment, then opened the door. Wapi had collected his briefcase and stepped out the moment the door opened. He almost knocked Glenroy over in his haste. Glenroy watched in amazement as his friend made haste away from the flat. When he realised tha Wapi wasn't stopping or waiting, he mumbled an apology to Ms Terious and went after his pal. Colleen just shrugged her shoulders and shut her door behind them.

After narrating events to Glenroy, Wapi headed for home. On the way, he decided that he could do with some of Marva's love and comforting. One of the things he liked about her was that she wasn't materialistic and wouldn't put extra pressure on a dregman. His scheming ex, Florence, had taken him to the cleaners so he knew things could be worse. Yes, a couple of hours with Marva would ease his stress. If he could just keep his regular expenses in check he could ride the recession a bit longer and things were bound to take an upturn eventually.

Although Marva hadn't been expecting Wapi she did seem particularly pleased to see him. She asked him to stay overnight and set about cooking him a good meal. While she cooked, Wapi took a long soak in the bath and emerged feeling far more optimistic than earlier. After all, he had a decent job despite the recession, and an understanding and caring woman, Why should he feel under pressure?

Later, as he relaxed on the sofa, chock full of rice and peas, Marva snuggled up to him. When she moved her lips to his ears he expected this was the second and more welcome attempt to seduce him today. He was taken completely by surprise when she whispered, "We're going to be parents. I found out today, I'm definitely pregnant. We're going to have a baby!"


Glossary:

Dregman: One who has no money. Skint. Broke.